


Souped Up

by SuperfriendlyFox



Series: Supersoup [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Humor, Sexual Humor, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 20:15:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13395429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperfriendlyFox/pseuds/SuperfriendlyFox
Summary: Alternate take on the soup scene in episode 3x10.





	Souped Up

 

 J’onn flies through Kara’s window, looking exactly like Kara were she in a grumpy mood, wearing pajamas and an open bathrobe. He checks himself out in the mirror, and ties the sash. “The indignity.”

“Kara, you in there?” comes Lena’s voice from the hallway.

“Yes, yes I’m coming.” J’onn moves to the door, takes a deep breath to prepare himself for this ill-advised charade, and opens it.

“Lena—” he says, sounding like Kara if she’d swallowed a frog “—what a surprise.”

“Kara, you look...” Lena gives J'onn the once-over. _“Stunning.”_

“What? In this old thing?” _I am literally wearing ratty pajamas and a bathrobe._

“No, it suits you.” Lena gently squeezes his shoulder on her way inside the apartment. She looks back at him as he closes the door, and licks her lips. “Although honestly, you would look great in a—”

“Potato sack, I know.” _Why do human females enjoy being told they would look nice in a bag of nightshades?_

“Well actually, no. If you were wearing a potato sack I’d make you take it off _tout de suite.”_ Lena grins wickedly, and winks.

“Oh, well, that’s... disturbing,” J'onn mumbles as they sit down together on the couch. He sniffs the air. “Have you been drinking?”

Lena giggles.

 _Oh no._ “You were drinking and _drove_ here?!?”

“Don’t be silly, Kara, my driver drove me. And yes, I may have indulged a little. I was a bit on edge because James told me to bring soup, as if I wouldn’t know to get you soup on my own. Then Eve handed me a bottle of something—which turned out to be very strong, I think she made it in her bathtub—and told me to _“Go for it!”,_ whatever that means, um, haha.”

She fixes J’onn with a _look,_ and he starts to sweat. “Most likely she meant, go get the soup?”

Lena giggles again— “Of course she did” —and glances down at the soup container she’s holding in one hand, a coffee in the other. She smiles and hands the soup to J'onn.

 _“Chicken_ soup!” he says, unenthused. “That’s very kind of you.”

Lena grows serious. “Kara, you haven’t been answering my calls, I’ve been worried.”

“Yes, I’ve just been trying to sleep off this—” he coughs, not very convincingly “—flu.”

Lena takes a sip of her coffee, and tries for small talk. “Can you believe what’s been going on out here?”

“Yes, I ah... have been keeping up with it. I am a reporter at a national news organization.” He sets the container of soup on the coffee table.

Lena smirks. “Yeah, I know. And as your boss I very much need you to rest and get well soon. I mean, I miss you.”

“Yes!” J’onn nods so hard his glasses almost fly off, and he hurriedly pushes them back up his nose. “You should go back to work, you should rest. I mean, _I_ should rest!” He ‘coughs’ again.

Lena glances down at the huge space between J'onn’s legs.

 _Oh no, she’s thinking I’m sitting ‘all weird.’ Quick—how do females on this planet normally sit again?_ He searches his memories... _Alex?—no—Vasquez?—no—Pam in HR!_ and finally pulls his thighs together with a snap.

Lena hesitates, then takes the plunge. “Listen, I know this is unimportant, James hitting on me, given everything that’s going on right now, but...”

_This is so uncomfortable. No wonder human females are so grumpy._

“Kara? Are you listening to me?”

_I used to think ‘that time of the month’ was a myth, that they must suffer through it every day, but now I see that—_

“Kara?” Lena touches J'onn lightly, just above the knee.

“What? Oh no, no—it’s not unimportant at all.” J'onn shifts further away from Lena on the couch.

Lena takes a long swig of her coffee. “I confess I poured some of Eve’s concoction in here, hee hee—” she takes another gulp “—liquid courage, heh.” She scoots closer again. “As the boss I could just fire him—I _should_ fire him, to set an example, I mean ‘times’s up,’ right? Not that I’m saying he’s _that_ bad, but—”

“No, no—”

“It’s just he’s one of your closest friends—not as close as myself of course, my darling.”

_Darling?!?_

She places her hand on J'onn’s thigh, and starts to lightly scrape her fingernails up and down it, not noticing as J'onn suppresses a grimace.

His leg starts to shake. _Hold the line! Kara wouldn’t move away. Don’t let Miss Luthor get suspicious—you did not become the head of a secret governmental organization by fleeing from danger like a coward!_

“But honestly, I would do _anything_ for you, Kara—” she stares at the now almost non-existent space between J'onn’s legs, licks her lips, and moans softly “—anything you wanted.”

J’onn cringes at the mental image he’s receiving, wishing he could die, except that the DEO, and _real_ Kara, and National City need him.

“I would even... put up with James touching my shoulder—” Lena touches J'onn’s shoulder and starts to massage the muscles there.

J'onn lets out a breath. _Good, good, stay with the shoulder—_

“Or him touching my neck...” Lena tickles the tiny hairs at the nape of J’onn’s neck, and he can’t help but giggle as he wrenches away.

“I’m ticklish, Miss Lu— _Lena!”_

“I’m sorry, darling, I don’t mean to be a tease.” She gets up from the couch, a gleam in her eye. “I’m... I’m just going to go change into something more comfortable, so I can stay and take care of you properly, all right?”

J'onn scrunches up his face in confusion. “Stay? Something more comfor— _Whaaat?!?_ Oh no, no, you really don’t need to, please—”

“I insist, Kara.”

“I’m sick, super s—I mean, _really, terribly_ sick. I wouldn’t want to get you sick as well!” J'onn squeaks. _I did not know her voice could travel so many octaves._

“That’s fine, darling, I have an iron constitution. Who better to take care of you than someone who never gets sick? And believe me, I plan on _taking care of_ you, hee.” Lena smirks, a devilish look in her eye, and removes her coat to reveal her cleavage-baring evening dress, waiting a good moment for J'onn’s eyes to involuntarily drift down there, before smirking again, and heading into the bedroom to change.

J'onn leaps up from the couch and paces as he activates the earpiece hidden underneath his long hair. “Agent Schott! We have a code red situation! I repeat, a—”

Lena emerges from the bedroom in Kara’s other bathrobe, opened enough to show off her cleavage yet again. J’onn immediately shuts off the device and turns back to her, his eyes once again drawn to where she wants them.

“You don’t mind, do you, Kara? So much more comfy than that inappropriate-for-work evening wear I wore to the office today.”

“No, no, I don’t mind at all, I—is putting Marvin Gaye on truly necessary?” he bleats as ‘Let’s Get It On’ starts to softly play from the stereo speakers.

Lena sways her hips suggestively as she waltzes back to the couch and coos along to the song. “We’re all sensitive people... with so much to give...”

“Miss— _Lena!_ I really must insist you let me rest. I—”

“Oh darling, yes of course, how insensitive of me! Here—” she takes hold of his hands and guides him to lay back on the couch “—let me help you relax with a foot massage.”

“A foot—Lena, no seriously, that is beyond the call of duty of any possible sort of friendship arrangement and— _ooooooh,_ that’s nice.” He sighs and snuggles into the cushions as Lena works on the arch of his foot. _Those grenades can’t possibly be ready yet. There’s no harm in enjoying this for just a few minutes..._

Lena moves up the ball of the foot, advancing on his ankle, now the calf—

_I certainly do have a fair bit of tension in my calves..._

“You know, darling, for what it’s worth, James hitting on me did at least serve to show me I haven’t been taking charge of my own happiness, and going after what _I_ want. Respectfully of course.”

She touches J’onn’s inner thigh, continuing to sing along to the song, which plays on repeat—“Whoo! Giving yourself to me, can never be wrong... Oo-ooh...”

“I can’t, I can’t do this anymore!” screams J'onn as he catapults off the couch. “I’m not who you think I am!”

“Oh my God, those were my exact words to my ‘friend’ Jeanie junior year!” squeals Lena. “Kara, sweetheart, it’s okay, you can tell me the truth. I’ve always suspected those longing looks and lip bites meant you wanted to bang me just as much as—”

“Arrghh! Miss Luthor!” He claps his hands over his ears. “I’m not Kara! I’m—” He lets out a great big gasp of resignation, then transforms out of Kara’s pajamas and bathrobe into himself. “I’m Director J’onn J’onzz of the Department of Extranormal Operations, and Kara is... she’s...”

Lena has backed up in shock against the far end of the couch. “Eve makes some potent liquor—Kara, you look exactly like that man who apprehended my mother at the seaport.”

“I _am_ that man, and Kara is Supergirl!”

Lena lets out a crazy laugh. “Now I’m hallucinating that you’re Supergirl, and that I only have two friends. Next I’m going to imagine Sam is Reign.”

“Oh, fine, yes, you definitely are hallucinating—” J’onn transforms back into Kara “—this Eve person certainly knows her way around a bathtub.”

“She does.” Lena giggles again, and dumps the rest of the ‘coffee’ down the kitchen sink. “I should _fire_ her, ha. Or give her a raise, more like.”

J’onn zips into the bedroom and back, Lena’s coat and evening gown in his arms, and now advances on her, taking her by the elbow and leading her to the door. “Let me help you to your car and driver, he can get you home. We can have our—” he grimaces “— _love discussion_ when we’re both not so out of sorts.”

“Oh, oh yes, darling, of course that would be best.”

J’onn helps Lena through the hallway and down the stairs. “All this excitement has got me feeling worse—” _cough! cough!_ “—it might be a while till I can come back to work, or even—” _cough!_ “—call you.”

“No, of course, darling. Take all the time you need.” She giggles again, and squeezes his arm.

***

Finally back in the safety of the DEO, Alex tosses J’onn a rifle. “You ready?”

“I just had to fend off a drunken, lusty, touchy-feely Lena Luthor. This’ll be a Sunday picnic.”

They start to head off, J’onn muttering to himself, “Won’t Kara be in for a fun surprise when she gets back to work.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Thanks to Dawn for being a great writing buddy and for helping me with the ending!


End file.
